Peace.
I'm coming up on the end of the second year without my sweet husband. So much has changed, but then again, so much remains the same. Over the last few weeks random thoughts, memories, and moments have popped into my head. Good memories. Bad memories. And everything in between. I work very hard to push the bad memories (the last days of his life here on Earth) out of my mind, as that is NOT the way I want to remember him. I prefer to think of the happy times --- dancing at our wedding, holding our first grandbaby, working in the garden --- or, trying to imagine what he must be experiencing up in heaven --- the splendor of our Lord, the lack of pain, sorrow, worry.
Tonight I went to the annual women's conference sponsored by my dear friends and grace sisters of Grace In The Wilderness (wildernessgrace.org). It is a two-day gathering of women to drink in the blessings of our Lord and to share our stories, our joy, our tears. Each year I think that I could not be more touched by the women who share their stories, more moved by the presence of God in our midst; but every year I leave the conference humbled, encourage, and truly touched by the Holy Spirit.
From the beginning of my journey through my husband's illness and death, I have held tight to the belief that God not only carries us through the storms of life, but that he also pours out his blessings on us. The speaker at our meeting tonight is a brave young woman (wife and mother of three) who fought and survived cancer and her story, her experience, the beauty of her faith, helped to remind me of the blessings that Jesus has poured on me and continues to pour on me.
I am so thankful that this women's conference has come at this time --- about two weeks before we mark the passing of sweet Len. I am finally starting to feel at peace -- I miss him so very much and know that there will never be a day when I don't think of him, don't miss him. But, the pain, the pure grief, has started to subside and I am finding peace and hope and I am building a vision of this next phase of my life.
Peace. One of the greatest feelings on Earth.
