My Time In The Wilderness

There are endless wildernesses we face during our time here on Earth.   After listening to one of Pastor Stuart’s great messages, I’ve come to recognize that I am in another one of my wildernesses.   I believe God places us in these wildernesses when he really needs to get our attention.

Six months ago I left the church that saved my life and the pastor and Grace sisters who encourage me on my walk with Jesus.   For six months I’ve searched for a new church “home” and the company of fellow Christians.  No matter where I looked, I could not find what I was looking for.   I knew that God had a reason and a plan … that there was something He wanted me to know.

Over the last few months God has put many people on my path -- all of them non-believers or otherwise non-practicing Christians.   I’ve embraced all of them … I’ve witnessed, I’ve counselled, I’ve encouraged, and I’ve even stood tall and firm when the Devil has presented himself.    

Last night God put a person on my path that does not believe in the goodness, the mercy, the grace, and the love of God.   It drained me.   At the end of our time together I felt very empty and very alone.    I felt adrift in a sea of non-believers and I was aching for fellow believers who practiced prayer, praise, and witness.    I awoke this morning wanting, needing so badly to get to church and be among believers, but I realized I didn’t know of a church that would fill the bill.   

God kept talking to me all morning .. my daily devotional was right from God and as I sat meditating on it I realized that I had just what I needed at my fingertips!    Blue Ridge View and Pastor Stuart --- on my computer!    His talk was about “The Potential for Problems”.    As I sat listening and reading and taking notes I was embraced by just what I needed and will continue to need until the end of my days on Earth --- the WORD of God spoken by a person who is passionate about God and who helps me truly understand God’s Word.    

As I listened, with tears running down my face, I realized that I have been in a wilderness and I could begin to see at least a part of God’s plan.    He has put me here to help and witness to those who do not know Him but also to show me the power of Christian fellowship.    I know know what has been missing and I trust God that my days in this wilderness will come to an end.

Squandered Time

This morning I was cleaning out my jewelry  box -- a chore I’ve been putting off for a long, long time.    As I pawed through its contents I found way too many mismatched earrings -- one of the pair long lost somewhere along the way; long-forgotten pieces of jewelry from my mom and grandmother; and earrings so out of date I had to laugh!    I have a tendency to put important (or seemingly important at the time) papers in my jewel box as well -- my passport, an important receipt, and the such.   As I was unfolding some of these papers I came across a letter my precious husband had written me back in 2000, before we were married.    

The letter took my breath away.   First of all, my husband seldom wrote letters and, secondly, this letter was written at a time when we were apart.    He spoke from his heart about our relationship and the treasure we shared.    The letter spoke of a cassette tape he had recorded and enclosed with the letter.  He said he hoped the tape would speak to my heart and say the words he was having trouble saying.  

At the mention of the tape I broke down in tears.   I realized that I had NEVER listened to it!   I was so angry at the time he sent it that I probably just threw the cassette away.    Then it hit me --- I had SQUANDERED something that I would give anything and everything to have today!   

How much time, love, opportunity do we SQUANDER?   I’m afraid to say that when I look back on my life, I see so, so, so many times I have SQUANDERED so many of the gifts that God has given me.     I guess it’s easier to see how much we’ve wasted as we get older.    

Growing older provides us with a wonderful, and often overwhelming, wisdom.   Wisdom is why we can look at our children at times and feel so broken-hearted when we see all that they are squandering; all that they are taking for granted.    It’s an age-old problem.   

“If  I could do it over.”    Boy, how many times do we wish we could have a “do over”?    To have the chance to react differently?  To say something nice?   To take back the words we said? Hundreds and hundreds of times is the answer.   There is no "do over" for me today.   That tape is long gone, as is my husband.   I guess he can sing me those songs when I see him again in heaven.   

Psalm 90:12 sums this up for me:   “So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.”

This is my prayer today.   I pray that I will look on each moment of my life, each interaction with the people I love, with a heart of wisdom that KNOWS that my days are numbered and precious!

Thank you, God.